This is how I imagine my life on Jupiter. First off, there are only hoes. None of this “good hard working woman” bullshit. We are talking first-grade, wear a lampshade on your head and dance naked on a table after a bottle of tequila, hoes. The type of hoes that will put up with anything you put em through. ” Yo girl listen, I know we bout to get married and shit but I reaallyyy need to relieve my sexual frustration by sleeping with your best friend. It just needs to be done” and she goes, “well okay if that makes you happy I support you!” The type of hoe that will take a bullet for you and still not reveal your stash under the floorboards beside your endangered polar bearskin rug. Also, parking would always be free on MY Jupiter. In fact, I would have meter maids standing where parking meters normally are on crappy-ass earth, and I would have people flick them in the eyeball when they park their car. But just one flick per person. We gotta have rules here on Jupiter. Cars would drive themselves, everyone would compliment me about my looks and sexual prowess, cats and dogs would get along, and police brutality would be stern words of warning. Punishment for those not wanting to ride with the program would be a fucking trebuchet through space, back onto earth. You can sign up for a spot on my Jupiter as we are currently taking submissions. Just leave a comment on the Future Classics.ca facebook and tell me what makes you qualified to hold a position on my planet and how you would contribute to the betterment of the VintageGuap Republic of Jupiter. Having a hot sister that you can bestow upon me gets you priority seating.
Follow: Wild & Free
Guap. Out.
