Author Archives: El Guapo

Man… I think my relationship is crumbling… :(  Usually I post all sorts of funny weird shit in my little writeups but today is just kinda fuckin’ sad yo. Then I put on this song and that shit ain’t making me feel any better fam. Shit is mad lonely right now. It’s like sometimes you hit a brick wall, years into trying to make something work and it’s not that you don’t care… Shit just simply can’t work for one reason or the next. Being a stubborn and motivated man, I try to get through it but at this point everything is destructive. I feel fuckin’ sad and deflated and this girl’s voice is a perfect soundtrack for my emotional state tonight. Thank you Ember Island for helping me feel a bit sad as normally I just repress all this shit and keep moving like nothing is wrong. I wish your music all the success possible because you are authentic and feel things. It shows in the delivery. And me, I can spot fake ass songs from ten miles away.

Follow: Ember Island

Vintage Guap. Out.

I’m fuckin’ high as fuck right now. I don’t even know why I am writing some blog post at two past midnight. Seriously, this is a new low. I ate a steak, had a bottle of wine and did a bunch of random party drugs I found in an old backpack I had in my closet. Seriously contemplating whether or not I should just totally move to a mountain and exist there like some sort of mountaineering gangster. Like, get  the flannel, say fuck this blog, fuck my 3 legged dog I gotta fuckin drag around all the time… the guy pisses on his front 1 leg all the damn time… I got this dog who’s front paw ALWAYS smells of piss. What is going on with my life.? Is this even real?

follow: Arman Cekin

Guapow. Out.

Anyone with a word closely resembling that of a burger in their name, is immediately in my good books. This is perfectly paired with my love for the sax. How could anyone ever have a problem with sax? So sax and burgers? I’m fuckin sold.

Follow: Stan Sax

Guap. Out.

I washed my Supras today. They fuckin stankstank. I got two holes in the soles on the left foot as well. I think I need to go see a podiatrist or whatever foot fetish doctor I gotta see. But what I did use is BAKING SODA. So it is only appropriate that I post this.

Follow: ARMNHMR

Guap. Out

Muthafuckas be emailin me like, yo why you ain’t ever postin any hardstyle shit or bigroom shit? why  you hatin’ on festival bigroom music? why blablabla? well here you little fucks. to the like, 4 assholes sending me annoying emails. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY!!!! you can play this at 10 am. pfft. see if i care.

FOLLOW: RYOS

Guap. Out.

This is how I imagine my life on Jupiter. First off, there are only hoes. None of this “good hard working woman” bullshit. We are talking first-grade, wear a lampshade on your head and dance naked on a table after a bottle of tequila, hoes. The type of hoes that will put up with anything you put em through. ” Yo girl listen, I know we bout to get married and shit but I reaallyyy need to relieve my sexual frustration by sleeping with your best friend. It just needs to be done” and she goes, “well okay if that makes you happy I support you!” The type of hoe that will take a bullet for you and still not reveal  your stash under the floorboards beside your endangered polar bearskin rug. Also, parking would always be free on MY Jupiter. In fact, I would have meter maids standing where parking meters normally are on crappy-ass earth, and I would have people flick them in the eyeball when they park their car. But just one flick per person. We gotta have rules here on Jupiter. Cars would drive themselves, everyone would compliment me about my looks and sexual prowess, cats and dogs would get along, and police brutality would be stern words of warning. Punishment for those not wanting to ride with the program would be a fucking trebuchet through space, back onto earth. You can sign up for a spot on my Jupiter as we are currently taking submissions. Just leave a comment on the Future Classics.ca facebook and tell me what makes you qualified to hold a position on my planet and how you would contribute to the betterment of the VintageGuap Republic of Jupiter. Having a hot sister that you can bestow upon me gets you priority seating.

Follow: Wild & Free

Guap. Out.

I really could give a fuck about Halsey’s music. Her name reminds me of Halls cough drops and I can never get over it. No matter what I try to do. She has a cool voice and she’s doing her thing but man. The name. I’m a hater like that yo. But what I do like, is The Chainsmokers music. So she gets a pass on their strength with me. I don’t know what these dudes look like, but I do imagine they have long long hair, carry around packs of Marlboro lites and generally eat lots of candy like any soundman or engineer does. If this isn’t the case, I will just keep imagining them this way ;)

Anyhoo, I am going to stop writing cos I just dropped a tab of acid and im starting to get some weeeiirrddd things happening in front of my eyes.

Follow The Chainsmokers:
http://www.youtube.com/thechainsmokers

Guap. Out

Remember “No Limit?” The soliders yo… so good. The pen n pixel album covers with mutherfuckers covered in digital fake diamond errthang was THE FUCKIN LIFE yo. Remember emcee MAC?! SILKK THE SHOCKER!? MASTER P to name a few… what happened to music since then? If you goin be corny, have some conviction fam. Not gonna lie, I normally cringe at the sight of a Usher remix and immediately hit the person back with a “fuck outta here fam” but Enchufe ripped this apart. So listen to it you fricks.

FOLLOW ENCHUFE

Guap. Out