Author Archives: El Guapo

You wanna hear about bad blood? My ex came back from a vacation once (Birthright holiday to Israel to be exact) , only to break up with me due to her newly found religious beliefs since I didn’t share her new-found faith. Like, crazy shit, right?! So while she was telling me all this stuff I am just calmly walking around the living room with a garbage bag as though I’m cleaning and going “ahuhhh, yeahh…” and methodically getting everything she owned into this heavy duty garbage bag. When I was finished, and she was still talking lol, I handed her the bag and when she asked me what was in it (this is how fucking self involved she was. Didn’t even notice what I am doing!) I told her it’s a bunch of trash, so she went to the back of the house and instead of putting this in her fuckin’ car, she threw all her belongings from my home into the trash. I said nothing at that point and wished her good luck. A few months down the road she actually tried to hit me back saying it was a mistake. By then I had slept with her best friend and found everything about the current situation amusing as fuck.

Xavier White

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I’m hung over from the fireworks tonight. It was Australia last night blowing up the sky here in Vancouver BC and I drank a pitcher of Sangria then hurled bottles off my balcony till like, 4 am. So here is some future bass stuff.

Follow Aash Mehta

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Not much needs to be said here. You just need to watch.

CHCKLK

Follow Nouveau Wave Music:

https://soundcloud.com/nouveauwavemusic

Anyone that has been following my bullshit blogging knows that I have a soft spot for beautiful women with talent. Not as much of a soft spot for talentless beautiful women, as I am not a TOTAL loser… But Ofelia is one of the few artists who inspires me to dust off my pants  and ask a gal out for a milkshake or something. Anyways, Ofelia K always does really dope tasteful pop music. The type of pop music that makes me not ashamed to admit that I like pop music, and put it on the blog and be like, hey average listeners and lil hatin’ trolls, check out some POP MUSIC! Stop being too cool for some good tunes maaannnn. I could see this being synced to so many movie scenes. Some montage in a Hollywood love flick where a girl is packing her shit up and frustrated and trying not to call her ex and then cuts to the scene of the guy pretending to be happy while he’s out with his friends drowning his sorrows in liquor and shit like that, but then there are these slow pans throughout that show you how they’re just totally stuck thinking about each other. So basically most of my dating life.

FOLLOW OFELIA K

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I once had two friends. They were great friends yo. One was fat and the other had a lisp. We were inseparable and would always get into something. When I was a young lad growing up in Europe, there wasn’t much to do in my hood. I remember one day, not far from my house there was some construction happening. We found an unfinished balcony and decided to scale it and take running leaps from the 2nd story into the construction sand pile in in front of it. All was swell but my fat friend didn’t want to jump. He was scared he was going to hurt himself. After about half an hour of pestering him, the peer pressure set in and he jumped. Then broke both of his forearms in the dirt. Lesson here is, when someone says do drugs, don’t.

As far as peer pressure goes though, listen to me and play this MAX Remix by Two Friends you little fucks.

FOLLOW : TWO FRIENDS

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I have the opposite problem to this song. I ALWAYS give em up and say goodbye. Only usually via text or just naturally through letting things crumble until neither party wants to touch base. My dating life is a joke pretty much. I think it’s cos of how many dad jokes and Simpsons references I crack on a daily basis. It’s actually quite horrible. These guys who’s music I’m posting must be like, “the fuck..?” well yo, I am talking about myself because ain’t nobody give a shit about your story unless there’s a story. So I just post the most potent part. The music.

FOLLOW SMIIRK

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I went to the gym this morning so I am in no mood to type. My forearms hurt like the forearms of a teenage loser addicted to anime porn. Check out this chune by Mahama you frickin fricks.

I dig TELYKast yo. They got great pop sensibilities. So far I don’t find any of their music annoying. And realistically I am annoyed by most music… The other day, one of my many many girlfriends was playing some horrible fucking song by I don’t even know who. I tried to ignore it but I am a grumpy old fuck so that effort ended in me throwing a portable speaker out of the window because by the time I got around to voicing my distaste for the fucking annoying hook, I was already all wound up.  I haven’t eaten yet either so I was hangry. I blame it on that. There went a 90 dollar Boombot portable speaker. They’re durable but this was about 12 stories of flight before hitting a tin garage roof.

check out TELKYast

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Hey kids! Here is a new lil jawn from Stalgia “In the trees”

Back in the day I had a cat that was scared of heights and he always, almost daily even, would get stuck in some fuckin’ tree. It got so stupid after a while we started leaving food up in the trees. My best friend and I would climb a bunch of local trees and hang random treats on various branches because I was scared that my cat might just starve up there. One night I heard that lil fuck way up in some random back yard tree and climbed up to get him, but the damn guy was in the canopy and the winds picked up. So there I was, stuck with my cat, in the canopy of the tree, winds howling and him trying to claw his way into my wool sweater that I always wore when I had to go rescue him. I waited over an hour just holding onto the canopy branches hoping that some lightning bolt doesn’t just strike me in my face or something. So that’s my experience in the trees. Moral of the story is, don’t get a retarded cat.

Follow: STALGIA

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